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One Cobble at a Time

Time to Go Home

Sandra Tayler's Journal

responsible woman

A cobble by itself is just a small stone, but when many of them lay together they create a path . My life is made up of many discrete parts. I have to find ways to fit them all into place so that I can continue to journey where I desire to go. This journal records some of the cobbles that create my path.

Time to Go Home

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responsible woman

In about an hour I’ll catch a cab to the airport. As I sat on my bed this morning contemplating my upcoming travel, I realized I was feeling homesick. The odd thing is that I was feeling homesick for California not Utah. California is where I grew up, and usually when I come here I have a strong “not my home anymore” feeling. This time I found myself watching the palm trees, ground ivy, and the architecture. I think it is a reflection of a longing for childhood or a simpler time. The feeling is a very quiet one. I’m only sensing it this morning because all of my usual thoughts are packed away. Indeed the minute I opened my laptop and saw my email, my mind dashed back to Utah and the interesting projects which are ahead of me.

However I am a little haunted by a conversation I had with Mary.
“I miss palm trees.” I said.
“Obviously you need to plant a palm tree in your yard.” she answered.
“Palm trees don’t grow well in Utah.” I answered.

As soon as the words were spoken I could see the potential meta-ness of them. My mind set to work trying to parse out the symbolism of the palm tree. There may be some there, or there may not. Either way I’m glad I’ve seen it and written about it. This way I have a link to that quiet feeling, a thread I can follow even when the trappings of my regular life flow in to fill up most of my emotional space.

Having described the homesickness feeling, I discover that I am also looking forward to going back to Utah which is my actual and emotional home. I will slip back into it like a warm and familiar coat. As I understand it, having a coat will be useful as the weather there continues to be cold.

Mirrored from onecobble.com.

  • What's neat is that not only are in back in California, you're also there in a role that's just you - Sandra. Just there to do pretty much whatever you thought would be interesting to do, talking to (or trying to get up the nerve!) people who you thought would be interesting to talk to, which is probably a lot closer to the way you were when you lived there before.

    I get the impression from your blog that your other convention trips, and other trips to California, have occurred with you in much more of a "Mommy-Wife-BusinessPartner" role or mode.

    I'm thrilled you were able to get the vacation, and even more so that it worked out so wonderfully well.
    • It really did work out well. I did the math and this is the first time I've traveled solo in 18 years. I've now decided that once per year is a good idea.
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