First I will say that in the grand scheme, Howard's injury is minor. He has three stitches and some very colorful bruising. For the rest of the story and my thoughts on why I am a better mother than I am a paramedic you can click the link. If you are sqeamish about blood, you may want to skip it.
Howard was leaning down to kiss the top of Patch's head at the exact moment that Patch decided to jump. Head collided with face and then the shouting began. Howard shouted in pain. Patch began screaming "I didn't mean to!" repeatedly. All the rest of us turned to look at the two of them. This is when I failed as a paramedic. I stayed with the distressed child even when Howard spat blood out and dashed for the sink dripping as he went. At the moment of crisis, my motherhood instincts trumped the injury management instincts. In hindsight, physical trauma should get more immediate attention than emotional trauma. The only conclusion that I can come to for my failure to respond correctly is that I believe on a deep level in Howard's ability to manage a crisis. I knew that Howard was managing the injury and that seemingly left me available to tend to the wide-eyed children who had seen daddy spit blood on the floor. Except I forgot that Howard was injured and in minor shock from physical pain and the sight of the blood. People in shock need someone nearby to direct and help. The kids were in shock too. Patch wrapped his arms around my legs and held on for dear life. They were all wide-eyed and shaky. Gleek was inclined to huddle underneath a table hugging her blankets. So I flittered between looking at Howard's wound, and tending to children. Then Howard declared that he believed he needed to go to the emergency room for stitches. And still my focus was more on the kids than getting Howard to the doctor. I got them settled with a neighbor, (I love my neighbors) only then was I free to give Howard my full attention. He ended up with three stitches on the inside of his lower lip.
My reactions frustrate me because I like to believe that I have a calm head in a crisis. I like to believe that I can take charge and make necessary decisions. I was calm. I did take charge, but my focus was on the kids rather than the injury. I am certain that if the injury had been more serious, I would have reacted differently. It was just that the injury and the distressed children were nearly equal in severity in my head.
As usual, my reaction came later. After the stitches. After paperwork and the drive home. After assuring myself that the kids were all fine. After the next session of conference. That was when I got shaky and tearful. That was when I began to really second guess all my actions as my brain tried to figure out how I can do better next time.
Next time I will look the kids in the eyes and say. "I know you are scared. It is going to be okay, but I need to take care of Daddy now." Or at least that is the plan.
Howard was leaning down to kiss the top of Patch's head at the exact moment that Patch decided to jump. Head collided with face and then the shouting began. Howard shouted in pain. Patch began screaming "I didn't mean to!" repeatedly. All the rest of us turned to look at the two of them. This is when I failed as a paramedic. I stayed with the distressed child even when Howard spat blood out and dashed for the sink dripping as he went. At the moment of crisis, my motherhood instincts trumped the injury management instincts. In hindsight, physical trauma should get more immediate attention than emotional trauma. The only conclusion that I can come to for my failure to respond correctly is that I believe on a deep level in Howard's ability to manage a crisis. I knew that Howard was managing the injury and that seemingly left me available to tend to the wide-eyed children who had seen daddy spit blood on the floor. Except I forgot that Howard was injured and in minor shock from physical pain and the sight of the blood. People in shock need someone nearby to direct and help. The kids were in shock too. Patch wrapped his arms around my legs and held on for dear life. They were all wide-eyed and shaky. Gleek was inclined to huddle underneath a table hugging her blankets. So I flittered between looking at Howard's wound, and tending to children. Then Howard declared that he believed he needed to go to the emergency room for stitches. And still my focus was more on the kids than getting Howard to the doctor. I got them settled with a neighbor, (I love my neighbors) only then was I free to give Howard my full attention. He ended up with three stitches on the inside of his lower lip.
My reactions frustrate me because I like to believe that I have a calm head in a crisis. I like to believe that I can take charge and make necessary decisions. I was calm. I did take charge, but my focus was on the kids rather than the injury. I am certain that if the injury had been more serious, I would have reacted differently. It was just that the injury and the distressed children were nearly equal in severity in my head.
As usual, my reaction came later. After the stitches. After paperwork and the drive home. After assuring myself that the kids were all fine. After the next session of conference. That was when I got shaky and tearful. That was when I began to really second guess all my actions as my brain tried to figure out how I can do better next time.
Next time I will look the kids in the eyes and say. "I know you are scared. It is going to be okay, but I need to take care of Daddy now." Or at least that is the plan.
I'm glad to hear that neither Patch nor Howard were hurt seriously. Don't forget to offer him ice cream to soothe the wound. In fact, you can suggest Patch deliver it to help daddy get better.
And don't worry about next time. You'll do fine.
Cheers!
While working ambulance, I was surprised at how often "{parent} has a boo-boo" seemed to work on small children. Not always, and they're still scared or upset, but it often helped keep the panic at bay. So maybe it's not fair comparing severe lacerations to a scratch, but putting it in terms that they remember getting a scratch and it hurt and bled a bit and they were afraid but it didn't hurt much after a while and is all better now ...
Then again, I just got back from dinner where I taught my almost-2-years-old 'niece' to answer "What does the Zombie say?" with "BRRRAAAIIINNNSS". So I'm not exactly any kind of authority on child management :)
How're things now that several hours have passed? *hugs*
Oh well. The pain is localized, and therefore not debilitating. I'm just whining a lot because that's what I do.
Besides, if you whine here with us, we'll be all sympathetic. If you whine at home, you just teach the children it's OK to whine.
Sometimes it stinks to have to be the good example.
Doing any better now after a night's sleep?
+1. You'd fit in fine with my family. :-)
Zombie...
You'd get along just fine at my dinner table as well.
Re: Zombie...
Re: Zombie...
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It's fun having friends have the kids for you. I get the spoiling and fun interaction and handing her back. Sure, sometimes there's a diaper to change or a tantrum or spill, sometimes I get hit up for presents and babysitting now and then ... small price to pay. A couple of weeks ago I watched her for a while so Mommy & Daddy could go to panels. I took her to the Bellydancing For Kids panel and she had a blast trying to imitate the moves (we adults had far more fun watching her than watching the lesson).
And small victories, like when she discards her other plushies for the stuffed whale shark I bought from the Atlanta Aquarium. It's her favorite carry-around comfort-toy and bumper-pillow. TAKE THAT, GRANDMA! You and your fluffy traditional teddy bears *hmph*
*writes it down for the next gaming night visit*
I still say that to myself sometimes when playing WoW and I see an orc.
But thanks. I believe I will do better if there is a next time because I took the time to think through my reactions this time.
Besides, it was only three stitches... But it doesn't even hurt that much. That big sissy...
I kid, I kid!!! *cowers* Don't hit me!!!
Every once in a while when I read a post from the Tayler household, I find myself thinking, "They really ought to be running tape 24/7. This stuff's just too apropos."
Hope Howard's lip feels better soon and that Patch isn't too freaked out about being a cranial pugilist.
Patch is fine now. All the kids are fine now. Normality has been restored for everyone except Howard who has some healing to do.
As happens, you two managed fairly well, more or less working as a team to get the situation under control.The paramedic's brain was working, and gave you a quick list of priorities and actions. Were he truly hurt (well... hurt more), then you'd probably have picked a different path.
Maybe, when they're older, you can reassure them during a crisis via words. Now? Enjoy the leg-clinging and parenting bits some :).
You followed proper emergency procedure:
Asses the situation: The cause of the injury was resolved, you could approach safely.
Spinal injury: Not indicated.
Airway: You heard him, so he could breathe:
Breathing: See A
Circulation: You judged the amount of blood lost to be minimal. As the patient was standing and talking, he had a pulse.
A young child had just been through the very stressful experience of seeing a parent spit blood on the floor. There are documented cases of sudden emotional shock causing a drop in blood pressure, causing circulatory shock. As well, panic and associated hyperventilation could easily result in another victim.
I'm not saying that you acted for the right reasons, but treating the potential victim first seems to me to be medically the best course of action.
Re: You followed proper emergency procedure:
The fact that I am second guessing myself later is also part of the process. This is how I try to learn from the experience and refine my responses so that for the next emergency my choices will be even better.
Thanks for the vote of support.
Re: You followed proper emergency procedure:
Howard promptly went into his own damage control mode and halted all other actions, assessed his injury, began self administered first aid, and self-judged that the damage would require further assistance. He triaged himself.
Patch, of course, panicked and started running around-a situation very likely to create a second casualty if he collided with anything.
Even though Howard was the one bleeding, Patch was the one that needed to be secured first.
You did good.
Now once it was determined that a band aid or one of your best towels, (they always grab the best ones in a crisis) was not going to do the job, you got the kids over to the neighbors and Howard to the Dr. Sounds to me like you did what was needed as it was needed.
If Howard is not blaming you for tending the kids first, you shouldn't.
If he is, tell him that next time I see him I am going to punch him in his stitches. (in as loving a way as it is possible to punch someone in the stitches who deserving it)
Mother
- Jason
Re: Mother
"And now for something completely different....."
Here's the link to Today's Hagar the Horrible comic. When I saw it, I couldn't help but think of Howard. ; )
Re: "And now for something completely different....."
You did just fine.
Also, the shaking is COMPLETELY NORMAL! Please do not let it worry you. It's totally expected that someone will get the shakes once they have had time to relax and let the adrenaline rush wear off. Second guessing after the fact is also normal and expected.
Please, do not let it bother you too much. It sounds to me like your gut instincts are right on target. Do you have any first aid training? It might be worth checking with the local Red Cross/Hospital/Ambulance company and seeing if they have classes coming up. The classes will give you a chance to practice handling emergencies, and this helps to make the right decisions/reactions more automatic when crunch time comes.
I love the fact you need to say 'next time'. Not 'If I could do it over'.
I know what you mean, there are often times I wish I had have studied and performed at school to the best of my ability, rather then slack away on a gaming system of some sort. Resulting in me being at university now, rather then not having gone. But then I realise I wouldn't have my beautiful fiancee or daughter. :)
Also on that note, I am definitely not as slack as I used to be. ;)
There were two incidents where I had to be taken to the emergency room while Roo was a baby. Once with a Fever of 104 and once with a concusion. I had to have someone other than my husband take me to the hospital both times because He had to stay with the baby. I don't blame him for that either time, because Roo was a baby.